Stunted Growth

8/4/2021

"Stunted plant or seedling growth is a symptom of a larger problem and an indicator that your plant may be in poor health. Diagnose the cause of stunted growth in plants to determine the steps to take to resolve the issue. You may need to treat a disease, provide supplemental fertilization or change the growing conditions, so your plant can thrive." www.homeguides.sfgate.com

Just as a plant needs the correct growing conditions, so do we humans. Sometimes it's not easy to diagnose what one thing or combination of things is going to perk us up and get us growing in the right direction. We need reliable sustenance. When that is disrupted, for whatever reason, we have to be strong enough to reach out and find alternate resources.

If you have been following my blog since its inception, you will know that I believe that everything happens for a reason. Life throws sunflowers and roses, but also thistles and burdocks. As a horticulturist, I understand the life cycle of a weed and how to identify it. I also know that the most noxious weeds in our gardens are next to impossible to eradicate. So, we learn to live with them, and stay on top of the destruction process, patiently removing them repeatedly and consistently so to keep them from crowding us out and losing sight of the path we need to follow.

When I last wrote six months ago I was excitedly planning my return to New Brunswick, looking forward to taking on a new position and seeing the friends I made last summer. I was making plans. I felt like my life was headed in the right direction. I confirmed that my departure was definite and details were being finalized. Then two weeks later my growing conditions changed suddenly. I received an email that my position was being withdrawn and that the items I had stored there for the winter could either be sent to me or they would offer to provide a monetary equivalent. My response to the email was "Wow." I couldn't find words. Part of me wasn't surprised. Decisions changed on a dime constantly in the garden and one was always on edge. It wasn't uncommon to be criticized for doing something you had been asked to do an hour earlier. Still, I passionately felt like I could have made a difference. Experience is a teacher. Wisdom is recognizing the lesson.

I'm not one to sit around and wait. Within an hour of receiving my "Dear Jen," letter, I had updated my resume and requested that the referral letter, which had been offered, be forwarded as soon as possible. Arrangements were made for the clothes I had stored in St. Andrews to be shipped to me and the rest of my belongings I'd hoped would be given to someone who might be able to use them. I later learned that one of my good friends there had use for some of these and that made me happy.

For approximately a month prior to the sharp turn my life's path took, ads for employment with a local landscaping company appeared on my social media feeds and did not go unnoticed. I remember thinking "That sounds like a really interesting job." So when garden gates started swinging again, I quickly sent off my application, closing one door behind me and opening the next. That's just how life works for me and I am grateful to be able to recognize it. Soon I found myself accepting the position of horticulturist and lead hand to the garden management supervisor in a well recognized company with a vision of leading with expertise and nurturing a team atmosphere.

I began orientation within the new company the last couple weeks in March. At the same time I was finishing up the two diploma courses I had begun in January. I do not usually take more than one course at a time but as I was off for the winter I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get two of the three remaining courses off my plate. Starting a new job at the same time that final assignments were due was tricky, but the company was sympathetic to my needs and supportive in schedule. Onboarding commenced as my last assignment was submitted.

I have been a gardener now in three different capacities; 1. having owned my own personal business where the focus is providing a service for people who love their gardens and who have difficulty maintaining them by stepping into their shoes and caring for the plants as if they were my own, 2. having worked in another province in a provincially owned botanical garden where people visit specifically to admire the beauty of the plants and design and the onus is on perfection but at the expense of being able to completely follow my heart, and 3. being employed in a company where expertise and excellence are the goal, where business is profit-driven, serving people who largely have no intimate experience with their gardens. Each scenario has its own set of pros and cons. Each setting is rewarding in different ways. None come without stresses.

I've fallen from the path on which I began. I have learned much about humanity. I have been gifted experiences which leave me feeling unsettled. These are steps of learning required to take me to whatever the next level is for me. The only constant is understanding how my heart feels. Right now, it aches and weeps. It's so tired and confused.

Fifty hour work weeks are exhausting, physically and mentally, but normal for a landscaping company. I feel like a tiny oak tree who only wants to stretch its branches and be the biggest tree in the field. Stresses are weeds and constant encroachment is growth stunting. My insight is shrouded in a layer of something stifling. I'm struggling to preserve my passion for gardening which has led me here. There are messages in this for me, I know there are, but I feel foggy and unclear. I very much want to experience the awakening, the 'aha' moment that I know is coming and to realize what I'm supposed to understand. I feel the need to reach into my deepest soul again to free my roots from entanglement. I need to remember this is a process that must be ongoing. I tell my gardening clients that one has to stay on top of the weeding. There is no one-time treatment. It takes focus and work and patience. I am once again reminded that I am never too far off my path to get back on it. Once I clear the weeds, it will be there, and I will find the nourishment and growth I crave.

I have received much encouragement from those who enjoy my blog posts. I feel like the past six months have been a block. I have not allowed my thoughts to flow but I have also lacked the energy to do so. When fluids in a tree are prevented from moving, the tree becomes 'girdled' and dies. We are much the same. Writing allows my thoughts to flow and I can then think more clearly and be happier. The trick is remembering this and not allowing the weeds to get a foothold.